"For Women Who Are Difficult To Love"
You are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.
- Warsan Shire
I am spitting out your name in the back of my bedroom.
I am six cups of coffees in, but that’s besides the point.
I am figuring out which parts of my personality are mine
and which ones I created to please you.
I am still holding onto some of the letters you wrote me.
I tell myself it’s to remember.
I tell myself it’s because I am afraid of forgetting
the early warning signs.
I tell myself I’m not sentimental.
I’m not sentimental.
I’m just afraid of throwing every burning thought
I have about you into the trash
and starting a wildfire.
Thinking about you takes effort now.
These days, if I want to bleed you out,
I have to grab a knife.
This is a form of self-abuse.
This is a form of reliving my youth.
This is a way to remember what it felt like to be near you.
Who cares? I don’t care. (via lora-mathis)